KIM EHLY, LCSW

Beware of Schoolyard Bullies in the Audition Room

10/21/2014

A casting director, who used to be a thin man and is not so thin anymore, had the audacity to tell my girlfriend that she looks like "fat _____(insert my gf's name)", like a schoolyard bully, when she attended an initial audition. I wanted to write about it then, but I thought maybe this guy was just having a bad day...however, when she gets the callback (because the client clearly likes her), the same male casting director has the nerve to say to the client as my girlfriend is leaving and another actress enters, "oh here's one that is smaller and cuter". Are you kidding me?
It is irresponsible comments like this that cause low self esteem, eating disorders, and body dysmorphia. My gf, who is amazing on stage and camera (not a bias opinion, I met her as an actor first) and who books work constantly, has wonderful humor and is truly in love with acting, so this man's comments, ultimately, will only fuel her desire to earn more work and chip away at making changes to the industry she loves...
... but since I only do acting jobs when they're projects I am passionate about, I'm gonna shoot it to you straight...casting directors, directors, producers, etc. need to remember that actors are people with feelings and that the industry is rampant with sexism, racism, narcissism,ageism, and discrimination of all kinds. How about having some integrity, how about setting aside your ego, and need to feel powerful, and avoid perpetuating an already unbalanced situation, where women are sexualized and marginalized daily! How about remembering that actors are usually in love with acting and drive many miles or travel many boroughs, and spend a lot of time, gas, money, and effort chasing around opportunities.
It only exacerbates a gender biased industry when you call a beautiful, intelligent, talented and thin woman, "fat", in front of 9 other auditioners. How do you think this comment made this group of women feel? The comment belittled every woman in the room and rendered them powerless in that moment.
Later, he had the arrogance to post pictures of auditioners in sports bras on his FB page. Really? Did he have their permission? I bet he didn't even consider that would be necessary and/or respectful. Did he consider that these women might only want photos of this nature published, if they are actually being paid? And only if they are being photographed by a professional, not a voyeur in the audition room?! Or is it because they are actors that he cavalierly believes this is his right to post pictures of what and who he pleases in his audition room? Mocking one of them and addressing his readers, some of whom are surely future auditioners, he wrote, "make sure and wear a tiny dress and leopard gogo boots... TOO CUTE*." Ugh! This comment was meant to mock or praise an auditioner, who wore that described outfit to a workout audition. I guess he liked her "tiny" dress and "gogo" boots???
To the many casting directors, directors, and producers who have respect for actors and their craft, that value actors' time and efforts, I want to thank you personally, because I used to be one of those actors running around town and I know what it meant when you went out of your way to be ENCOURAGING. We all need to work together and recognize that we need each other to make the magic happen.
Perhaps, it is time this industry had a Code of Ethics like so many other professions. More on that at a later date...
Oh and my gf booked 3 jobs that same week :) including the one referenced in this scenario!
Wanna make a difference? Check out
http://therepresentationproject.org/
http://seejane.org/
and particularly for the guys out there, check out
http://www.heforshe.org/
Silence is inaction. Speak up. Speak out. You might have some trepidation, but take it from me, addressing real issues and skipping the playing of politics is quite liberating.
Until next time, be true to you.

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Stand by Your Blog

8/15/2014

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Please read my initial blog, which is below this one, and then read this one. They are related.

My first blog entry, which, much to my surprise, received over 1,000 visitors in less than a week, is easily corroborated by emails and a text sent from producers and I firmly stand by every word. Surprising that the producers would contradict their own emails in a public statement using my full name and accuse me of lying. Did they forget what they wrote in their emails to me? Can a woman write her perspective and take a macro approach without being accused of being an angry lesbian or a "victim"? Aren't these the usual summations of a woman speaking up? How unoriginal.

I didn’t write the newspaper article that caused the producers to be so defensive, nor did I ask for it to be written. I sent a correction to amend a press release informing media not to announce my participation in that LGBT shorts series. I talked to the writer for 5 minutes, because he emailed and asked me to call him. I didn’t know he was writing a feature. I never claimed to be "angry" or "furious" and I certainly didn’t take the “victim” stance, a frequent go-to when referring to a woman who speaks up. I wasn’t “complaining”. I simply decided to express my perspective in a blog on my own website. I took a month to contemplate the situation. I had no idea the writer would assume to know my feelings, or would make the producers look bad. When the writer asked me if I thought the producers were “anti-lesbian”, my response to a term I have never heard before was “Not at all. Their focus is on the ‘G’, which is fine and common. This is supposed to be an LGBT series. It would be good to have at least one lesbian playwright. Don’t you think?” I was after all commissioned to write a short play for them many months ago. Would gay men want to watch a shorts series when none of the writers are members of their community?

Beware, feminist perspective ahead! If I was a man “angrily taking to social media” to “complain” or “rant”, would it be framed differently? Perhaps, something like, "he forcefully expresses his experience", or "stands up for himself", or "bravely stated his opinion". I urge you to read my play, which I sarcastically refer to as "controversial". The quotes are there, because I don't think it is “controversial” or “edgy”. As I said before, the play explores Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the habit of "straight" women that toy with lesbians for sport. If the lead character is viewed as “mean spirited” that is because she is suffering from a specific personality disorder and lacks empathy. People like this exist in the world. It is unfortunate, but they do.

The producers also state that the play is attacking someone’s sexual orientation. Really? This is a fictional work, a work where the lead character changes her sexuality depending on what she wants or needs from someone. This is a trait of someone seeking narcissistic supply.

It was only after the actors objected to the play's content, that Clit Tease was under scrutiny. The play was selected many months prior to the read through. Now, suddenly there are "well known events"? If these supposed events were so "well known" and would prevent them from producing the play, why didn't the producers say something prior to the read through? Could these supposed "well known events" be a result of distortion and/or gossip? I wonder.

Here’s the producers' offer (*names were changed) from their email, copy and paste: “I am going to lay this out as 100% openly and honestly as I can …” “After a lot of going back and forth with this, Tom* [producer]and I wanted to suggest that you hold onto the piece and direct it next year for us when we won’t be working with Jack* and Jill*[objecting actors] and can do the piece as it should be done. There is a better than 50% chance that we will be moving “[Name of series] #3”* (next summer) to Miami Beach after it's Ft. Laud theatre* run so it would have a wider audience. However, if you feel comfortable converting it to the remaining two actresses then we could do it. I know this is a crappy scenario for you but both Tom* and I feel like there isn’t really anything we can do at this point, short of replacing Jack* and Jill*(which is not really an option for us at this point).”

Why would producers offer to include my supposedly “mean spirited” play, Clit Tease, in next summer’s shorts series #3, if they feel it is offensive as claimed in their statement? Why, if the self identified straight actors’ objections aren’t the reason they pulled the play, do they say that they want to hold off ‘til next year when those actors aren’t involved, so that I can direct it and do it the way it should be done? Why would they want my play in front of an even wider audience? Why would they say that if they feel they need to protect people in the tight knit theatre community? Why would they say I could rewrite the play to exclude two characters and still do it this year?

My response was “As far as next year, we can address that at a later date. Part of my hesitancy is the two objecting actors could be involved again next year and once again, could control which shows are produced.” Would you trust these producers after all of this? Yeah, neither do I.

Oh and they gave me the option of changing the well-composed play by eliminating 2 characters, so that those two actors wouldn’t have to act in my play. Then they would have included it this year. The play originally called for 6 actors, 3 women and 3 men. The objecting actors are one female and one male. My response was “I'm very comfortable with the play as it is. To me, it is one of my strongest works to date and speaks to the American lesbian experience.” Why would I change a well-composed play to accommodate two objecting actors?

By the way, the title of the producers’ last email to me was “To a passionate and respected artist”. I guess if I had been a good little lesbian and kept my mouth shut, I would still be viewed as such.

Perhaps the most egregious claim is that I am somehow trying to divide the LGBT community. Really? Did they spend 3 years in grad school in order to serve the LGBT community? I did. I am a therapist in this community with a Master of Social Work. I care about the people that comprise the LGBT community and have a great deal of empathy for the LGBT population. I work with people from every letter. I will continue to advocate for the voices of the lesser served. My intention in writing the initial blog is to let my thoughts be known about my play being pulled. That has nothing to do with dividing a community. I simply chose to state what happened. So while their decision-making seems to be micro- focused, their claim against me is super-macro.

I don’t see this as an “L” verses “G” situation or “straight” verses “L”. I see this as a decision between a lesbian play or two actors and their personal opinions and assumptions (likely based upon gossip) about a lesbian play. They chose the actors. That is up to them. I don’t have to agree and I can talk about that. Some may not see it as an attempt at silencing a lesbian voice. I do.

By the way, the producers have set their statement to public on Facebook. This means the handful of Carbonell voters, who might want to at least consider feigning public neutrality, and a few members of the SoFL theatre community that "liked" their statement, are now public supporters of a false statement given in an attempt to cover the producers’ tracks and save face while using my full name and accusing me of lying. Read my blog. Read my play. Read their quotes. They are exact.

Kutumba Theatre Project has done 3 different shows, 4 productions. The first and current, Baby GirL, represents the “L” and the “G”. The second, The Beebo Brinker Chronicles had a “B”, a few “L”s, “G”, and “T” (modern Beebo would likely be Trans). Julie Johnson had an “L” and a “B”. I’m proud of this mix and will continue to seek out plays that speak to the LGBT community with an emphasis on the underserved “L”. I will also look to give a voice to other underserved communities outside of the LGBT community.

This is likely the last blog I will write on this particular matter. I have spent a thoughtful amount of time on this topic and am grateful for the support I have received and the larger than expected platform to speak about a subject I find to be important. Regardless of the next potential wave of claims, I know the truth. The truth is sitting in the inbox of my email and on my phone in a text message.

Until next time, be true to you.

1 Comment

Shorts Gone Mild

8/4/2014

3 Comments

Lesbian playwright, Kim Ehly, who was commissioned to write for an LGBTQ short play series several months ago, silenced by producers and self-identified straight actor couple, when her play is pulled from the programming.

WARNING! This entry contains sarcasm and political incorrectness.

Is a theatre company LGBTQ just because they claim to be? Is this what happens when the focus is to win awards in the theatre community and play politics not serve the voice of the LGBTQ community?

Shorts Gone Mild

Last year I wrote and directed for an LGBTQ short play series. Not surprisingly, my play was the only one representing the L and the only one written by a woman of the 8 plays. At the time, I encouraged producers to incorporate more lesbian voices. After it closed last summer, I was asked by producers to write again for the series.

This is the text message from one of the producers I received shortly after the first read thru in late June '14 of all of the new plays, regarding my new short play, Clit Tease : “…wanted to drop you a quick note: Your play is very good. It’s sexy, very funny and has an important point to make. It’s the best play we have because it fits the mission to entertain and speak to an issue. I was really happy with it.” I was overwhelmed by such kind and unsolicited words.

Less than two weeks later I was informed via email by that same producer that my play will need to be pulled, because two of the individuals involved won’t do the piece, citing personal issues with the play and assumptions that they think they may know a source of inspiration for the play. Apparently, there were two meetings with these actors who objected to my play. I was not a part of either and was made aware of these meetings after they both had taken place. I received an email, no phone call, to tell me it was pulled. An email.

And so, I was asked to write a play for this series and submitted it many months ago. I spent time developing it. Ultimately, I was told it would be “unjustly cruel” to expect two actors to portray this material, that they were "angry" and "their feelings were hurt". I’m shaking my head as I write. These actors are not lesbians. These actors have no idea what it is to experience these situations. Writers borrow inspiration from their own lives all the time. Writers write fiction. This play is fiction. You can’t put fact on stage and expect it to entertain people. That is the luxury of sitting in a room alone and typing on the page.

The gift of being a writer is messing with the truth, perception, reality, fictionalizing circumstances, making up situations, and melding some together, to impact the observer. Clearly, this piece does exactly that, challenges people to look at this behavior and question it.

This is a play inspired by a meld of women from over 26 years of being a lesbian. Their behavior is the inspiration for this piece. It is not a matter of “ridicule” or “lambasting” (which was one of the accusations the other producer made), it is a matter of telling the lesbian perspective of the habit of “straight” women that like to toy with lesbians for sport. It is a common occurrence. If that makes them look bad, that is only a result of their own behavior. The play also explores Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I take it as a huge compliment that there are such strong reactions to the play and that it is assumed to be based on truth rather than fiction. This play is meant to stir emotions. That speaks to an ability to write from a place of connecting to something far below the surface of things.

I am thrilled to be in NYC to put my original play, Baby GirL, further out into the world at FringeNYC. That has tremendous meaning for me. For that reason, I wasn’t giving this issue a lot of time. I have a few reasons for taking the time to address this topic. One is I found out, of late, that one of the actors that objected or should I say “boy”cotted my material, actually submitted a play to the series and it was not chosen. Hmm, example of sour grapes? One of the more important reasons is that theatre is bigger than two actors and their personal opinions or problems with a play that speaks to an issue that has affected practically every lesbian I know, at some point or another. Isn’t this what theatre is about? Writing about topics that cause people to question behavior, human experiences, and life in general? Or are we supposed to “play” it safe?

Theatre isn’t a popularity contest. Theatre is about reaching in and affecting the viewer. Theatre is about something far bigger than our own egos. Theatre isn’t about the next award your theatre company earns from the small pool of people that make those decisions. It’s about the patrons that pay to experience the magic of theatre, of being transported…and if it’s really good, they leave affected by the journey they have taken. One of the producers accuses me of “making fun” of the supposed source of inspiration. He went on to say that “there’s a sizeable chance that others in this small theatre community will, however wrongly, make the same assumption about who the character is based upon.”…and I say, Who cares? So you pull my play because of your assumptions about who or what inspired the “excellent” work? Are you serving the LGBTQ community or your position in the "small theatre community"? Is this yet another example of a mission for the LGBTQ community gone awry?

I've contemplated since early July, whether or not to lay out my perspective on the issue of my play being pulled. However, I hold a Master of Social Work and for good reason. I have often been the voice for people who are unheard or underserved. This is one of the ethics we agree to in the social work field. It is my duty to speak up. The lesbian voice is underserved. This action is another clear example of that.

This series claims to serve the LGBT community. Yet, a play hailed by both producers as a play they “love”, that is "very funny and sexy", even“excellent”, that is “the best play” they have, is being removed, due to the personal perspectives and feelings of two self identified straight actors that have a problem with a lesbian playwright addressing a real issue in our community. Removed because “at this late stage it will be easier to find a new play then it will be to find two good actors.” (Yes, he put “then” instead of “than”). Hmm, name 3 lesbian playwrights, and go. Right. Neither can I. Yet, I know plenty of actors that would appreciate the work and even, want to serve a play with a strong message and perspective. Interestingly, they replaced an actor since pulling my play, but it wasn't one of the "objecting" actors. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Since this happened, I’ve had several people of many backgrounds read the play. All of whom, regardless of sexual orientation, stated that they know women like this in their lives, that this play speaks to an important issue, that the lead character could be messing with men just as easily as women, that the theme is universal.

Bottom line, if you want fluff, don’t hire Kim Ehly. I’m far too interested in creating theatre that is meaningful and leaves the viewer questioning the human experience or understanding it better, even leaving them wanting more. Speaking of, if you would like to read a copy of my “controversial” play, please let me know and I’d be happy to send you a copy.

“I genuinely hope we can work together in the future as you have a valid and strong artistic viewpoint which is lacking in our [theatre] community.” Said one of the producers, continuing “This is not an outcome I am in any way pleased by and hope it will be but a blip in our future artistic relationship.” And to think, I could have devoted my time to writing for the Dana Plays, a project I had to decline in order to honor my prior commitment to Shorts Gone Mild.

To quote the other producer “And I hate losing the one really good lesbian related piece we have. We need that voice to serve our community.” Thankfully, I have my own theatre company, Kutumba Theatre Project, that really does serve its mission and will produce this play along with many others that give a voice to a community that needs and deserves to be heard.

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